Balance. Purpose. Enlightenment.
If you’re like me, you’ve had times when you’ve gone to bed with a backlog of negative thoughts from disagreements over things that really don’t amount to much in the bigger scheme of things. But it seems so important to be right and have things go my way, and so begin the conversations in my head.
When I lose an argument with someone, I’ve always continued the discussion by myself. I don’t like to lose (does anyone?) so I just shut down and resent anyone’s disagreement. And if I take offense at something they do, they’d better watch out! Because in my head I start a conversation that truly devastates them.
How much energy is wasted in the torrid thinking attending our differences! It could almost solve the energy crisis if redirected.
Why is this? Is it just a reflection of self-importance, or how much influence I think my opinion should have on world events? What I have finally concluded is that all this mental insistence on how right I am, how I should be running the show, has exhausted me, even led me into the dark tunnel of depression. It wasn’t easy to make the connection and truly accept that hanging on to my way contributes absolutely nothing to a happy life.
I didn’t have to look far for proof of this. Not long ago, several of us were writing a report. If there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s my writing, so it isn’t easy to accept all the changes others suggest on my drafts. I was feeling pretty good that I had been able to blend with them as I wrote my final draft. But then, I started to lose it. Suddenly, I was so angry at these “critics!” Typically, I didn’t say much, just stewed, but that night, I devastated them in my imagination! It was early morning before I could begin to recognize the good my friends had contributed and this calmed me down enough to sleep.
Finally, with many hints and much encouragement from my Lemurian Fellowship teachers, I started taking a closer look at my thinking and the cause and effect of it all. It took a long time, but I seem to be one who has to learn things through long, hard experience. All the energy I’d wasted seemed pitiful, but I wondered if instead of regret, I could redirect my focus to change.
From the very first Lemurian lesson, we learn about the transformative power of positive thinking. It’s taken a lot of time to relate my critical thoughts about others to the agonizing reactions in my own life, but at last it’s sinking in and I’ve made a start at overcoming this fault. Making the effort to see something good about the other person helps. When someone disagrees, I try to work it out by talking about what we differ on, or just let it go.
Despite setbacks, I feel a lot better now when I go to bed without that old familiar partner, the conversations in my head. Sleep better, too. If you go bed every night, or even now and then, with this same bed partner, I can commiserate. You have some hard work ahead, but it can be done and it will be well worth the effort!
Copyright © 2016 Lemurian Fellowship
3 thoughts on “Conversations in My Head”
It is reassuring, in a way, to know that I am not alone with these selfish conversations. And, like the author, I have wasted much energy on them. This story has helped me to see these for more of what they are – time wasters and energy drainers! It is also helping me to talk over things that I do not agree on, and then trying to let the topic go. Sometimes easier said than done!
I have done the same thing, battling in my head about what I would say to someone who disagreed with me. Then the next time I saw this person, I could tell they had not put as much importance in our disagreement as I had. Trying to get better at working things out sooner or not taking it so seriously and letting it roll off my back.
It’s comforting to know others deal with problems similar to mine, like the person who wrote Conversations in My Head. I have developed pre-argument conversations in my head, not imagining a real dispute but anticipating one. I usually win these. But then, as the author found, slowly comes the realization of the wasted energy, the destructive power of such thoughts, and the good that can emerge when people are allowed to arrive at the same goal from different perspectives.