Balance. Purpose. Enlightenment.
Just when everything finally seemed to be in place in my life – a wonderful wife and family, my medical career where I wanted it to be, the good health to enjoy it all – I got a headache over my left eye. I’d never had headaches. An eye exam was normal, yet I had to rule out a brain tumor.
Fear gripped me when tests showed a sizeable mass. Surgery right away would be best, but I found excuses for putting it off.
As I gradually accepted this tumor as a real intruder in my life that couldn’t be ignored, I came face to face with my real reason for postponing surgery – something might go wrong and I could become an invalid. Once I faced that, I could begin to cope. I talked over probabilities with my wife and surgeon, and with their reassurance, I was ready, but I never expected to look back later to see how illness helped me.
I knew spiritual preparation affects physical outcomes. Gratefully, I had Lemurian principles to help me prepare. I knew it was important to see myself whole and to pray for the outcome to be for my best good. Part of my preparation included staying positive and accepting that I am worthy of love and the help I was asking from God. What could I change about myself that would change my health for the better?
All through school, I’d worked hard to make the best grades. My self-worth was always tied to work, grades, achievement. I’ve always worked 70-80 hours a week. How would I have personal value if the surgery uncovered something serious and I couldn’t work?
Then I pulled myself back. I knew through my Lemurian training and experience that a balanced life is most valued – balance between family and work; between material needs and spiritual strength. Most of all, I knew God’s love wasn’t based on how many hours I worked. Neither was my wife’s or children’s. Maybe the deeper purpose for this brain tumor was learning this lesson, and I began to sense how illness helped me.
I pondered these thoughts as I went into surgery. I visualized being able to care for my patients and work in my garden. The surgery went well, but recovery held several trials. I had a small stroke that cost me the use of my left leg . . . but only for two weeks. Just as that seemed behind me, the doctor had to operate for a blood clot that could have taken my life or left me an invalid.
I’m almost back to my old self – I hope the best of my old self. I relied on my faith in God and my Lemurian training to think only of a positive outcome during this entire experience. I had the care and love of nurses, physicians, and physical therapist. My surgeon was always there to fix my medical problems, and I had the steadfast help of my Lemurian teachers and friends.
Through this experience, I came to look at myself more realistically, to see I have value even when I don’t work 70-80 hours every week, and to accept the love of my wife and our children. It was there all along; I just needed to let it in. Most of all, I came to accept God’s love, and to know in my heart for the first time, I am of value to God.
Copyright © 2017 Lemurian Fellowship
9 thoughts on “How Illness Helped Me”
I came late to this blog, but for me, the moment was perfectly timed. I am facing my own physical impairment, and the probable need for surgical correction. The Lemurian Viewpoint, “Your Mind Is Your Magic Wand” has been a help to me. So, I have two great reminders to think positively, as you did, faced with similar fears of further impairment. This increases my courage and confidence as I ponder this decision. It is lovely to also be reminded that we all are of “value to God,” to treasure all the love in life! Thank you.
With youth and vitality, we throw ourselves into experiences with abandon. With age and limitations we look back and extract the meat from those experiences.
Very moving. It’s terrifying to have such a serious health problem, and to fear the loss of one’s self worth. To find a new perspective and peace in this reminds me I need to look beyond the outward things I do to boost my self worth so I can think more about what really matters like he did. Very helpful
This story is a helpful reminder to me to see the events that are hard to take as direction to take another look at what we are doing. Thanks for this blog!
Aside from trying to put myself in your shoes, and acknowledge to myself how difficult it would be for me to meet this type of test with the strength and composure you did, you gave me another inspiring example of a person finding the importance of achieving balance in life.
Most of the things we worry about don’t really matter in the end. There is always a consoling lesson in every seeming unfortunate condition or situation if only we are sensitive enough to perceive.
This is so true!
” … I am of value to God” struck me as the goal of this illness. A hard learned but necessary insight.
Another is that no one, on their death bed, ever wishes to have spent more time in the office!
Sometimes it takes a serious problem to get our attention and allow us to examine our everyday lives and routines closer. Your Lemurian training gave you a chance to practice much courage and patience during this trying time. As you precipitated a successful surgery and recovery, you also gained a new perspective on what was really important in your life. This was truly a “helpful” illness!