Monthly Archives: January 2017

Overcoming Fear

How Illness Helped Me

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Just when everything finally seemed to be in place in my life – a wonderful wife and family, my medical career where I wanted it to be, the good health to enjoy it all – I got a headache over my left eye. I’d never had headaches. An eye exam was normal, yet I had to rule out a brain tumor.

Fear gripped me when tests showed a sizeable mass. Surgery right away would be best, but I found excuses for putting it off.

How Illness Helped Me
Fear gripped me when tests showed a sizable mass

As I gradually accepted this tumor as a real intruder in my life that couldn’t be ignored, I came face to face with my real reason for postponing surgery – something might go wrong and I could become an invalid. Once I faced that, I could begin to cope. I talked over probabilities with my wife and surgeon, and with their reassurance, I was ready, but I never expected to look back later to see how illness helped me.

I knew spiritual preparation affects physical outcomes. Gratefully, I had Lemurian principles to help me prepare. I knew it was important to see myself whole and to pray for the outcome to be for my best good. Part of my preparation included staying positive and accepting that I am worthy of love and the help I was asking from God. What could I change about myself that would change my health for the better?

All through school, I’d worked hard to make the best grades. My self-worth was always tied to work, grades, achievement. I’ve always worked 70-80 hours a week. How would I have personal value if the surgery uncovered something serious and I couldn’t work?

Then I pulled myself back. I knew through my Lemurian training and experience that a balanced life is most valued – balance between family and work; between material needs and spiritual strength. Most of all, I knew God’s love wasn’t based on how many hours I worked. Neither was my wife’s or children’s. Maybe the deeper purpose for this brain tumor was learning this lesson, and I began to sense how illness helped me.

I pondered these thoughts as I went into surgery. I visualized being able to care for my patients and work in my garden. The surgery went well, but recovery held several trials. I had a small stroke that cost me the use of my left leg . . . but only for two weeks. Just as that seemed behind me, the doctor had to operate for a blood clot that could have taken my life or left me an invalid.

I’m almost back to my old self – I hope the best of my old self. I relied on my faith in God and my Lemurian training to think only of a positive outcome during this entire experience. I had the care and love of nurses, physicians, and physical therapist. My surgeon was always there to fix my medical problems, and I had the steadfast help of my Lemurian teachers and friends.

Through this experience, I came to look at myself more realistically, to see I have value even when I don’t work 70-80 hours every week, and to accept the love of my wife and our children. It was there all along; I just needed to let it in. Most of all, I came to accept God’s love, and to know in my heart for the first time, I am of value to God.

Personal Development

Fight Or Forgive?

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Fight or Not?
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Not long after moving to another area of the country together, my husband and I came to a parting of the ways and agreed to divorce. Like so many people in this situation, we had to decide whether to fight or forgive.

We had recently put a large down payment on a new living room set, and when we split our assets, I was given the furniture since it was too much for him to try to move any distance. We agreed verbally on dividing all we owned, without lawyers, as we had an amicable relationship in many ways.

As my now ex-husband moved back home to be close to his family again, there were many adjustments to make, including the fact that now, there was no one to share expenses with. So it was a shock a few weeks later to receive a notice from him that he wanted half the amount we had paid on the furniture returned to him, and felt I should pay him this amount.

When my ex-husband asked me to pay for half of the furniture we’d agreed I’d keep, negative, suspicious thoughts began to obscure the harmony we’d maintained.

This was dismaying from many angles, not the least of which was that I didn’t have the money to pay him. I felt torn. Should I fight or forgive? While the down-payment money had come partly from an inheritance from his side of the family, on the other hand, in the years of our marriage I had worked full time so he could attend college and get his degree. I really didn’t know what was fair or what to do.

I talked it over with my Lemurian Fellowship teacher, who helped me see that non-resistance was the best course. She explained that if I did pay him the money and it was rightly his, I wouldn’t lose anything in God’s eyes. And if I paid him an amount he was not truly owed, that too would balance out in the long run by the action of universal law. So I arranged to pay my ex-husband month by month, and he was agreeable.

I mailed the first check, and then a second one. But at that point, he called me and apologized for asking for the money. He felt it had been wrong to do so, and he sent my two payments back to me. We parted on good terms, each having thought about some of the good the other had contributed to our marriage.

I believe my faith in the Lemurian Philosophy allowed the time and space for both of us to thoughtfully decide what we really wanted, and not just react to the emotion of the time or pressure from well-meaning family. I gained a lot of respect for his integrity, and for the value of non-resistance.